The Power of “Family”: The Unspoken Truth: Family Isn’t Forever, Unless We Make the Effort – By Evelyn Chen

On Monday, the global Chinese community marked the Mid-Autumn Festival. The tradition is simple: gather at the elder’s home; usually Grandpa’s or Dad’s to share a huge feast, talk for hours and then move outside to watch the children with their lanterns. It is a beautifully simple ritual meant to affirm connection. 

Having moved to Ipoh after getting married years ago, I sometimes still struggle to adjust to my separation from my family’s legendary celebrations in Kuching. For my family, every reason to gather was a reason to go “over-the-top” (OTT). 

Our parties weren’t just gatherings; they were sensory overload. Too much food, endless drinks and a constant, joyous roar of conversation, often laced with good-natured gossip, that affirmed our tight-knit bond. My memories are saturated with these moments: the intense aroma of the famous ginger chicken and kiam chai teng, the scent of frying ngo hiang and the sheer volume of us all talking over each other. This was the vibrant, loud soundtrack of my upbringing. 

But that soundtrack has faded. 

Since the passing of my grandparents, particularly my grandmother, the physical and emotional “glue” that once held the wider family together has dissolved. She was the undisputed matriarch, the effortless hub around which everyone else naturally orbited. Her house was the default destination; no invitation necessary. It was the place to go to when you had nowhere to go or no food to eat! Haha! 

Without that central fixture, the sad reality of life set in: suddenly, gatherings require effort. It demands organisation, scheduling and a conscious decision from everyone, not just passive attendance. The celebrations haven’t completely stopped, but they feel diminished somewhat, less vital. The heart of the grand, effortless family tradition has faded along with the elders who nurtured it. 

Every family around the world shares this ritual: they eat, they drink, they talk and they laugh, before returning to their individual lives. Yet, my experience has taught me a profound lesson: 

Family bonds don’t sustain themselves through tradition alone. 

The true power of family is not inherited; it is an active choice. Distance and time will always change the nature of our traditions, but they should never dilute the value of those connections. The next generation must consciously pick up the baton, becoming the new host, the new organiser, the new glue. 

My last trip home brought this lesson into sharp focus. I decided to initiate a meal with my aunties, uncle and cousins. The initial arrangements were a no-go; everyone was too busy. I almost gave up, telling myself it was simply too much work. But before I could make alternative plans (one that didn’t involve my family), my aunt called and insisted we meet. So, we met! We ate, we drank and we talked and gossiped; exactly as we had done a million times. 

How I missed it! It is crazy how much I had taken these gatherings for granted. If I could turn back time, I would have treasured every minute we spent together when my grandparents were alive. Back then, it was effortless; we simply showed up. Today, one single meeting takes a sacrifice of time, commitment and active choice all rolled into one. 

If you have the chance to gather with your loved ones, especially in a way that requires zero effort, cherish the ease of it. And if you are currently waiting for someone else to organise the next event, remember this: The most treasured family memories are often the ones you decide to create. 

There is truly nothing more important than family. Treasure them. 

Mama and Kong Kong, thank you for being that glue and giving me such happy, fun and food-filled memories growing up. We miss you! 

Words to learn: 

affirm – state emphatically or publicly 

over-the-top – to an excessive or exaggerated degree 

saturated – fill (something or someone) with something until no more can be held or absorbed 

undisputed – everyone agrees about it; not questioned 

matriarch – an older woman who is powerful within a family or organisation 

orbited – to follow a circular or elliptical path around a central body; goes around 

fixture – something permanently attached or fixed in place 

diminished – made smaller or less 

sustain – strengthen or support physically or mentally 

dilute – make (something) weaker in force, content, or value by modification or the addition of other elements 

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