The Power of “High Standards”: Why Settling Is NOT An Option – By Evelyn Chen

I can’t really explain it, but whenever I hear the words “high standards”, I automatically think of the other word – doormat. Funny isn’t it how our brain works? Hitherto, I think I was afraid that setting high expectations meant being labelled “high maintenance,” and if I don’t push bad people away, I would eventually be left with no choice but to accept awful treatment just to keep someone around, which is exactly what a doormat does. This internal mystery persists as an enigma. 

I ruminated about this topic, but then my girlfriend came to me with a relationship problem that made me start writing. I was resolute in extricating her from this quagmire. She is beautiful, smart, successful and kind; truly the dictionary definition of PERFECT. Yet, I suspect she had become inured to bad behaviour in relationships. I realised setting high standards isn’t just essential for her; it is essential in every aspect of our lives. 

I came across a saying that goes like this: “Be careful what you tolerate because you are teaching people how to treat you.” This is as close to the truth as it can be. I am of the opinion that as we get older, we tolerate a lot fewer indignities. It could be because of experience, or simply that we have grown wiser. But either way, whether in work or relationships, we must never, ever settle for anything mediocre. 

I like to be treated right and I don’t apologise for it. Growing up, “princess” was my sobriquet because I was treated like one and I am always so thankful and grateful for the love of my family and friends. I suspect that core expectation is still the same till this day. I expect kindness, love and respect. It is pretty basic if you ask me, but I will not tolerate anything less. I have vowed not to lower my standards for anyone; this is the minimum I will accept. 

Many people think they can get away with treating others badly, but the truth is, they aren’t getting away with it. Simply, it is the victims who have allowed themselves to be treated as such. For example, I refuse to tolerate verbal abuse or unwarranted aggression. If this happens, I will simply remove myself. In fact, I have removed myself from situations more than I can count and the more I walk away, the happier and more peaceful I become. 

This is the ultimate answer to the standards vs doormat mystery! The two words are completely opposite because a standard is not a demand you make of others; it is a boundary you set for yourself. Every time we walk away from disrespect, we confirm our self-worth. It is not about being selfish or picky; it is about choosing PEACE over drama. So, here’s my final vow to myself and to you: never let go of that minimum. Your high standards are not a luxury; they are the foundation of your well-being. Hold them, guard them and never, ever apologise for them! 

Words to learn 

doormat – a submissive person who allows others to dominate them 

Hitherto – until now or until the point in time under discussion 

enigma – a person or thing that is mysterious or difficult to understand 

ruminated – think deeply about something 

extricating – free (someone or something) from a constraint or difficulty 

quagmire – an awkward, complex, or hazardous situation 

inured – accustom (someone) to something, especially something unpleasant 

mediocre – of only average quality; not very good 

sobriquet – a person’s nickname 

unwarranted – not justified or authorised 

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